The Story of the Taoist Farmer

The Story of the Taoist Farmer 

An old farmer had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically.

"Maybe," the farmer replied.

The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed.

"Maybe," replied the old man.

The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.

"Maybe," answered the farmer.

The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.

"Maybe," said the farmer.

Source: Divorced Moms, "Divorce Was the Best Thing That Happened to Me. Maybe." Joy Cipoletti. July 17, 2014

WOULD A CRAIGSLIST DIVORCE WORK IN MINNESOTA?

On behalf of Askvig & Johnson, PLLP

Minnesotans who are facing the prospect of a marital dissolution know that the process can be time-consuming and expensive. As a result, many may look for alternatives to a traditional divorce, which usually involves the hiring of a lawyer. According to one investigative report, some people are even turning to Craigslist to buy the services of those who peddle their ability to fill out divorce paperwork correctly.

While this setup might work in the case of an uncontested divorce when everyone is in agreement on everything, the Craigslist divorce has its drawbacks. Non-lawyers are prohibited from giving legal advice in Minnesota or from representing a person in court.

The upshot of this is that while a person may be able to fill out forms, he or she cannot legally tell his or her customer how he or she should approach his or her divorce or what to do once the forms are filled out and filed with the court. Moreover, while the person may think that he or she has someone on his or her side, in fact that person will go to court pro se, that is, without a lawyer.

When the other side has hired a lawyer, this can make for a very one-sided divorce hearing that can lead to a lopsided result. While a judge can ensure that the rules of the court are observed by all, he or she cannot intervene on behalf of a person simply because he or she does not have a lawyer.

Getting someone who is not a lawyer to help fill out divorce paperwork may work in those cases in which there really and truly are no contested issues. These sorts of cases, however, can be quite rare. For those other cases, it may be advisable to get someone who has the ability not only to fill out forms but also to give sound legal advice and quality advocacy in the courtroom.

Source: KRISTV, "6 investigates: DIYdivorce on Craigslist," Janine Reyes, Aug. 12, 2013

HOW CAN DIVORCING PARENTS IN MINNESOTA PROTECT THEIR CHILDREN?

On behalf of Askvig & Johnson, PLLP posted

As divorcing couples in Minnesota are likely aware, emotions can run high when a couple decides to separate or dissolve their marriage. However, some individuals may be more harmfully impacted by these heightened emotions than others.

If the couple has children, they may be the most likely to have a negative experience stick with them for an extended period of time. It is even possible this negative experience will impact the relationship they have with their parents. This may be a scary thought for divorcing parents, but there are actions that can be taken to protect children during a divorce proceeding.

First of all, it is a good idea not to rush into litigation when going through a divorce. There are other more amicable alternatives, such as divorce mediation. When a couple decides on a more collaborative approach than litigation the process usually moves more quickly. Litigation often pits couples against each other whereas mediation allows the separating couple to focus on co-parenting strategies. This makes the process less strenuous for any children involved.

Secondly, it is important to ease a child's transition into living in two households. When a parent has a child or children at their house, it is important to focus on having fun with them and enjoying the time together rather than trying to find out what's happening in the other home. In addition, experts recommend never speaking ill of an ex-spouse. This may also be a good time to communicate with children about their feelings, making sure they understand the divorce is not their fault.

It may also be helpful for children, and potentially the divorcing couple, to spend time speaking with a therapist. This can help everyone work through any resentment, guilt or grief they may be experiencing.

Lastly, it is important for the divorcing couple to take care of themselves. Experts suggest using the time alone to refresh and spend time bettering one's self. This may re-energize parents and make them more positive around their children.

Even if a couple going through a marital dissolution decides on mediation, it is still a good idea to seek the assistance of an attorney who will help to guide them through the process. This attorney will do everything possible to reach an outcome that preserves a divorcing party's financial, emotional and relational health.

Source: Huffington Post, "5 Ways to Protect Children During Divorce," Deborah Anderson Bialis, Nov. 25, 2013

WHAT MISTAKES SHOULD DIVORCING FATHERS AVOID?

On behalf of Askvig & Johnson, PLLP

Readers of this blog may have seen previous postings discussing child support determinations and which parent is more likely to receive the majority of physical custody. Some may believe that the courts always favor the mother over the father. While this is not a proven statistic in the present day, there are certain mistakes that are often made by fathers that could make them less likely to obtain custody of their children when going through a divorce.

First of all, it is important that the father does not purposely drive an increase in the cost of litigation. In some states, this type of behavior is punishable by law. The circumstances leading up to the frivolous behavior do not necessarily matter. Therefore, it is very important that couples going through a marital dissolution choose their legal counsel wisely so they are advised appropriately.

Second, it is important that fathers do not stretch themselves too thin financially. It is often helpful to meet with a lawyer who can help the parent budget for the upcoming divorce proceeding and also help them understand the different financial obligations that may arise, some of which the parent may not be aware.

Third, fathers sometimes give in on custody proceedings hoping that they will become successful later. However, this action of putting their children on the back burner and not making them a priority is actually a huge mistake. It is important that children have both parents present in their lives.

Fourth, fathers will often use their children as leverage to decrease their child support payments. They will fight for more time with their children so that they are not stuck making large child support payments. However, oftentimes when all is said and done then this time is not actually spent with the children. This type of behavior can put a father right back where they started, in the courtroom.

Lastly, it is important not to let unpaid child support add up. If a modification is needed due to changed circumstances, then it is important to seek that modification as soon as possible. Back due child support can be extremely financially detrimental to a divorced or divorcing parent.

Source: The Huffington Post, "5 Dumb Mistakes DadsMake During Divorce and How to Avoid Them," B. Robert Farzad, Feb. 13, 2014.

HOW MOVING CAN AFFECT CHILD CUSTODY IN MINNESOTA

On behalf of Askvig & Johnson, PLLP

Divorced parents in St. Paul may find that it is not very simple to pack up and leave Minnesota, or even to move to another area of the state. There are many child custody issues that come into play when a divorced parent decides, for whatever reason, that he or she would like to relocate.

Sometimes, a potential relocation is addressed specifically in a divorce agreement, and those who are going through a divorce may want to talk about this with their family law attorneys if they think relocation could become an issue. In most cases, however, relocation terms are not included in this document and the parent who wishes to relocate must file a petition in family court to request permission to relocate.

Because each jurisdiction operates a bit differently, it will be important to talk to a family law attorney about where to file the petition and what information to include. A petitioner could also contact the family court clerk's office with such questions.

Most often, the petition will need to include the reason behind your pending move. These might be due to financial factors or to be closer to family, for example.

If the relocation will affect your ex's parenting time rights, you will need to address this in the petition. How will you allow your child to make up this time with his or her other parent? Some parents are able to do this by changing their parenting schedule a bit, sometimes by allowing the other parent to have custody of the children during school vacations or on summer break.

Nonetheless, family law courts are often hesitant to allow the relocation if it will obstruct the child's relationship with the non-custodial parent. In these cases it is necessary to show the court why the relocation is in the child's best interest--as this is the court's chief concern. An example would be that perhaps the child will be better off moving because of the change of a school district.

Relocation with a child is not only a serious family decision for single parents, but it is also a legal decision. It is important to take this seriously and go through the proper legal channels so that a court cannot fault you for neglecting an earlier established child custody agreement.

Source: Huffington Post, "How Do I Relocate After Obtaining Custody of My Children," Eyal Talassazan, July 2, 2012.